Happy New Year! I can accept those words with ease and calm, and pray for the best. Lately I have read (social media) such toasts to the new year as, “Here’s to the best year yet!” and “2017: The best is yet to come!”. I admit to feeling a deep, agonizing pang of sadness in my heart as I hear those words now, for I know that those are impossible words for Art and I to lay claim to. And yet, it feels oddly uncomfortable to deny them, as it is my nature to embrace the positive. I have always looked to the future with unknown excitement and anticipation, as if I were a kid racing down the stairs on Christmas morning to discover all the joys of the unopened treasures that await me.
Unopened treasures come in different packages these days.
They are often onerous to uncover, challenging to say the least. I am not always mindful to seek out these veiled gifts, shrouded in disguise to the oblivious (me), as we painstakingly plod through our daily lives with Lewy Body Dementia (LBD). But they are right there in plain sight, I just have to contemplate their simplistic glory, look a little harder to behold their gracious beauty and marvelous wonder! But these precious gifts we could so easily overlook are a blessing waiting to be revealed.
The twinkle in my husband’s eye that is shining brilliantly as he is on occasion still able to hoodwink someone with his mischievous banter, the comical wisecracks and witticisms that spill forth from an otherwise blank expression. The sound of our littlest grandson whispering in the most adoring voice imaginable, “Papa!” at the sight of his beloved grandfather. The sudden bear hugs and unprovoked “I love you, Papa!” from the older 3 year old grandson. The joking ease of unabashed, delighted acceptance of the arm of a pretty girl (our daughters-in-law) to help steady his gait. The occasional lusty comment made by Art towards me, with the now standard good natured declaration by our daughter-in-law, “Art, I’m RIGHT HERE!” The gentle, chiding banter of our sons as they engage their dad in a round of their own special brand of lighthearted playfulness. All in a days work, all there for the naked eye to see, hear, and appreciate.
So for 2017 my wish is to pay closer attention to the little things I once took for granted as simply our relationship.
I am no longer able to have meaningful conversations with my husband, too much information creates an immense sense of painful overload, causing him much strife and confusion. Decisions are mine and mine alone, as he has been deemed by medical personnel as no longer capable of making a viable decision. I am watching him slip away emotionally, intellectually, and physically. So it behooves me to seek out the simpler pleasures each day; our uncomplicated treasures. I pray to recognize them and quietly bask in their glory.
Blessings to you and yours in this new year.